Boys with Curls!

Like any other mom, during pregnancy I anxiously awaited the arrival of each of my children. I would have dreams at night, and almost daily day dreams of how they would look and wonder what distinct little features they would have that favored either me or my husband.  My second pregnancy came as a surprise when we learned we were having TWINS, a boy and a girl! I swear everyday my imagination kicked up a notch as I envisioned their faces. Being a woman about to have her very first daughter I think I began to obsess over how she would look. Would she have my same deep chocolate complexion? Would she have my hair, long flowy ringlet curls down her back? Fast forward to the day they were born and to everyone’s surprise, Ayva, my mini, had a few thin strands upon her head. What we were not prepared for was my son, Ayson, was born with literally a head full of thick black bouncy curls. I was not prepared for my little boy with curls!

As time went on, and as Ayson’s curls continued to get more and more full and luscious, my husband and I began to talk more on whether we would cut his curls. Instinctively, and maybe because I truly cherish natural hair, I decided against it. I want Ayson to be able to make that decision for himself. I want him to let us know when he is ready for such a big step. As easy as it is for me to accept and allow my son to choose his long curly hair, I wish it was just as easy for the society that we live in to accept it as well. Being a parent, and one of multiples, already comes with what seems to be an automatic pass for Tom, Dick, Harry, and Jane to give their unsolicited parenting advice to my husband and I. I’ve been receiving unwanted advice from the moment I announced we were pregnant! I take the good with the bad, filter out the unnecessary and keep it moving. However, honestly, it is something about the advice people try to give me when it comes to Ayson’s hair that truly gets under my skin! Seeing that it is 2018, I guess I assumed this would be a topic that I would never had to address let alone to justify and defend our choice. Unfortunately, there is not a day that goes by that strangers don’t congratulate us on our adorable “Twin Girls”, or question “What are the girls names?”. Day in and day out I stand there with Ayson, dressed head to toe in his blues, reds, greens, and hair in cornrows and politely although through clenched teeth explain “Well, this is a girl and a boy, but thank you”. It was easier to accept when the twins were younger, but now that he is 5 and has an understanding of the world, Ayson is beginning to answer back in a strong stern voice “I’m not a girl! I’m a boy! Don’t you see I’m a boy?!”. This happens so much that I really have to question, why as a society haven’t we learned to accept that some boys have long hair?! Why is this still such an unfamiliar site to see and accept?

As I continue to embrace my own natural hair journey, and begin to help Ayva explore hers I am noticing Ayson is beginning to take a small interest in his own hair. He is speaking up for himself and reminding us for example to use a shower cap when he showers, and never hesitates to tell me to “Take it easy Mommy” when I am detangling so as to not rip and tear through his fragile curls. When he is asked if he wants a haircut he either answers with a firm “No” or has a pondering face and reply’s “Ummmm I don’t know”, but he has never said yes to that question. So not to alienate him from his own journey I decided to start to incorporate him more. I get so many questions from other moms of boys with curls on how I manage his curls that I decided to post a video on my You Tube Channel. In the video you get a chance to see some of the tips, tricks, and techniques I use when washing Ayson’s hair. I also get asked a lot what I like to use in his hair and my answer is always Shea Moisture products, specifically the Manuka Honey line. I love Shea Moisture products for Ayson because they provide the level of moisture that his hair needs in order to maintain strength, length, and shine. The conditioners literally melt his tangles away and make it a breeze for him and I as I quickly detangle and style in cornrows or twist his curls.

When I researched other Boys with Curls and their journey a topic that seems to be consistent across the board is the unfortunate bullying that still takes place. Fortunately Ayson is only 5 and this is not something that we have encountered as of yet, and also something I hope we work hard to eliminate through education before it even becomes a problem for him. I want his peers, their parents, teachers at his school, and members of our community to understand that having long hair is a very personal decision for Ayson. One that we want to support and focus on encouraging him to be proud of the crown that he wears. I want to be able to focus on self acceptance, self awareness, and his overall healthy hair journey. It truly saddens me to learn that children are still being bullied for things such as their hair, or any personal choice that doesn’t affect anyone else for that matter. I insist on consistently exposing my kids to other kids who do not look like them so that they can learn at an early age how to love and accept others for who they are. We have many conversations where we discuss the differences in our peers, and how those differences make us unique and special. I dread the day, if ever, that Ayson comes to me second guessing or being ashamed of his gorgeous curls because someone made fun of him.

All in all we are so excited to continue on this journey with Ayson and I watch daily in amazement as my little man grows and develops. As his mommy, I pray that he continues to have such a strong vibrant personality that lights up a room. As for his long luscious curls, we plan to continue allowing them to grow and flourish. I am hoping to soon find another way for him to experience other proud little boys with curls in their own community as us natural hair ladies have been so fortunate to have. Who knows, maybe you will see him pave that way some day. So be on the lookout for #AysonWithTheCurls! Xo